HEALTHY WAYS OF COPING

• COPING WITH STRESS
• DO'S & DON'TS
• ALTERNATIVES TO SUICIDE
• HOW TO HELP
• WHERE TO GET HELP

.
COPING WITH STRESS:

"Are you currently under stress at school, home, or work?"

Most people, young and old, will answer "yes" to this question. Managing stress frustrates, exhausts, and get in the way of who you want to be, managing stress can be done with some self-assessment, organization, and productive effort:

• Work off stress: run, walk quickly, do chores, do something that allows a non-destructive outlet for mental distress.
  
• Talk it off: Ask for time for yourself from a parent, friend, teacher, counselor, anyone who will really listen--you can tell them that you don't need advice or answers, just a chance to work out loud.
  
• Accept yourself: and the things you can't change. Explore alternatives that make good use of talents and traits that you have.
  
• Avoid bigger problems: Pills, alcohol, and all other things that take control out of your hands need to be skillfully avoided.
  
• Get enough sleep: For some people who are actively growing, this can mean as much as ten hours. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.
  
• Balance work & recreation: Reward yourself with things you like to do (including doing nothing) when you deserve it, and work hard when you work to keep from feeling guilty when you take a break.
  
• Do something for someone else: Find a need and fill it--for friends, neighbors, relatives, parents, siblings, strangers. Reach out instead of turning inward.
  
• Take things one at a time: In small bites, so you don't choke.
  
• Give in: Cry, pound a pillow, stretch, assert yourself, do whatever it's taking so much energy not to do. LET IT OUT!
  
• Make yourself available: or take yourself out of the race for awhile.

TOP

.
DO's AND DON'Ts

DO's:

• Do let your genuine concern and caring show.
• Do be available . . . to listen, to help with the other children, or whatever else seems needed at the time.
• Do say you are sorry about what happened to their child and about their pain.
• Do encourage them to be patient with themselves, not to expect too much of themselves and not to impose any "shoulds" on themselves.
• Do allow time to talk about the special, endearing qualities of the children they've lost.
• Do give special attention to the child's brothers and sisters . . . at the funeral and in the months to come (they too are hurt and confused and in need of attention which their parents may not be able to give at this time).
• Do reassure them that they did everything that they could, that the medical care their child received was the best or whatever else you know to be true and positive about the care given their child.

DON'Ts:

• Don't let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out to a bereaved parent.
• Don't avoid them because you are uncomfortable (being avoided by friends adds pain to an already intolerable experience).
• Don't say that you know how they feel (unless you've lost a child yourself, you probably don't know how they feel).
• Don't say "You ought to be feeling better by now" or anything else which implies judgement about their feelings."
• Don't tell them what they should feel or do.
• Don't change the subject when they mention their loss.
• Don't avoid mentioning the child's name out of fear of reminding them of their pain (they haven't forgotten it).
• Don't try to find something positive (e.g., a moral lesson, closer family ties, etc.) about the child's death.
• Don't point out that at least they have their other children (children are not interchangeable; they cannot replace each other).
• Don't say that they can always have another child (even if they wanted to, and could, another children would not replace the child they've lost).
• Don't make any comments which in any way suggest that the care at home, in the emergency room, hospital, or wherever was inadequate (parents are plagued by feelings of doubt and guilt without any help from their family and friends)

Prepared by: Milwaukee-North Suburban Chapter
P.O. Box 17488
Milwaukee, WI 53217

TOP

.
ALTERNATIVES TO SUICIDE:

Exploring Options

Think about a time in the past year when you have felt sad and hopeless. . .

Think about a time in the past year when you've been so excited that your joy spilled out to others. . .

Have you ever noticed how "nothing lasts forever?"

Just when you're certain you'll never get over this - along comes something or someone you never anticipated. . .

Just when you're certain you're "on top of the world" things take a bad turn. . .


This is a picture of life:

When we are young, we lack experience in life. Our emotions are very much "in the moment". We respond to exactly what is happening to us at that moment in life. We do not have enough experience to know that the next day or the next week may be different. For example, if a young person loses a girl friend or boy friend that they are very much "in love" with, it does not matter what we think or tell them. They respond to "the moment" as though there will be no tommorrow or another love of their life. The loss is emotionally devastating. They do not have the experience to know that life has it's ups and downs and that they will likely have many relationships come and go--for them, in that moment, the loss is extremely painful. They do not know how to deal with it. At this time, they are extremely high risk.

TOP

.
HOW TO HELP:

TAKE threats seriously. The person is asking for your attention.

WATCH for clues.

ANSWER cries for help by listening with understanding. Try to listen for the "feeling" which the person is expressing. Let him/her know you hear. . . and care that they're hurting now. Share with your friend an experience you have had in which you felt sad and hurt, or scared. Help him/her to realize other options to relieve the bad feeling.

CONFRONT the problem directly. Don't be afraid that you will "goof up." You might ask, "Is it feeling so hopeless right now that life doesn't seem worth it anymore?" You needn't offer advice - just listen and care. Discussing it may help lead the person away from actually committing suicide. Because one thinks it, one doesn't have to do it. Talking it out helps lift the clouds.

ENCOURAGE the person to seek help through parents, counselors, social workers, etc. You may know someone he/she is particularly fond of. Suggest that, and offer to make the call while your friend is with you. You may even offer to accompany him/her to see someone, if that seems helpful. If you get stuck, or scared, talk to someone yourself and find out what you might do next - don't be afraid to help your friend.

YOU are not responsible for your friend's life. The choice if theirs. But you may give hope and remind your friend that SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM.

TOP

• school counselor, teacher, parent - family physician
  
• emergency mental health facility - psychiatrist, psychologist
  
• local hospital emergency - clergyman
  

TOP